


i am a satellite and i can't get back without you

by buttdog



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Black Paladin Lance (Voltron), Developing Friendships, Everyone Has Issues, Langst, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Mental Breakdown, Shiro (Voltron) is Missing, Slow Burn, Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), allura is TRYING, allura/lance brotp hell yeah, features lance's wank bank, honestly coran is the only ray of light in this fic, keith and pidge versus the world, keith: incomprehensible have a terrible week, lance: happy thoughts machine broke, shiro shows up soon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 23:05:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11633817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttdog/pseuds/buttdog
Summary: He wasn’t mentally prepared for this. He wanted to lie down, go back to his bunk where his untroubled memories were and jump into the frames and stay there forever. He wanted to warn those radiant people of the future ahead. He wanted Shiro to come back to them.(Or, Lance finds Shiro with the help of the Black Lion.)





	i am a satellite and i can't get back without you

**Author's Note:**

> this is basically angst galore. 
> 
> quick apology for any mistakes, i don't have a beta reader sorry!:( 
> 
> the title is from Busted and Blue by Gorillaz.
> 
> enjoy!! :))
> 
> (warnings are tagged so check them out before you carry on, it's nothing to bad tho don't worry)

Things had been slow since Shiro decided to up and disappear in a puff of smoke.

Decided probably wasn’t a good word, he figured. Unexpectedly vanished was probably more appropriate. Unfortunately vanished?

Not that it really mattered, at the end of all things, Shiro was gone and by the increasingly despairing expressions he received daily from his remaining teammates, he was gone for good.

No, that couldn’t be right. Or maybe it was. Shiro was a hero after all, and hero’s scarcely avoided tragedy. The line ‘show me a hero and I’ll write you a tragedy’ came to mind. Whoever said that probably knew Shiro.

Lance exhaled and raised his open palm to the top of his bunk. He had to stretch his shoulder to reach, and even then his fingertips barely brushed the polaroids that were tacked on there with some sort of Altean putty. They filled the entire space, many of them overlapping, some with a sentence scribbled on the blank space at the bottom. He smiled fondly at Pidge, who stared down at him with glee, her hands curled in gang signs and her tongue poking out. That had been a good day, one of the best. Underneath it, in Pidge’ choppy handwriting, read ‘Dark Luigi’ with an angry emoticon. The one beside it was of the mice, imitating Voltron. Above that, one of Keith and himself, the former actually smiling, albeit a very small one. Lance hadn’t seen anything remotely happy in Keith for weeks now.

The ache in his chest made itself known, nudging at his sternum, mocking. All these pictures spoke of past times. The people in them would lash out if he dared put a camera in their face now, and who wanted to keep images of forlorn faces? And the glaringly obvious absence of one of these people made him not even want to pull his camera out at all. His index finger ceased moving over the pictures, stopping over the first one he’d ever taken.

He’d found the camera at a swap moon, in one of those Earth gallery shops. He’d used all his saved up GAC to purchase it. It was an old model polaroid, the sort you’d find in a hipster's hands. He’d been so ecstatic, he’d ran at full pelt all around the mall trying to find at least one of his teammates to show off his find. Shiro saw him first. The older had been worried, frantically asking Lance why he was breaking a sweat weaving through shoppers, and after Lance had explained, his whole face had lit up like a christmas tree. So Lance took his first ever snapshot. Shiro’s eyes were crinkled at their edges, his hands awkwardly in the frame as he attempted to block the lens, failing spectacularly to hide his delighted features. Lance was glad he hadn’t been fast enough. His fingers traced the line of Shiro’s figure, followed the curve of his grin. It was a rare sight, forever caught in the frame. Maybe it was selfish to keep it to himself, but he found it hard to care. He’d earned that look from Shiro, not anyone else, so on his ceiling it would stay.

His fingers fell away, landing softly on his abdomen. He turned his body away from the photos, swallowing against the lump in his throat. Sometimes he wanted to take them all down. Sure, they were happy memories, but he grew more sour each time he studied those captured moments. Those people didn’t exist anymore, for now at least. The Lance that carried his camera around like it was an attachment of his arm didn’t exist anymore. His eyes flickered to the chest of drawers on the far side of the room, where he’d stashed it away, no longer able to look at it. For all he knew, it wasn’t there anymore, whisked away with his leader. God, he sounded so dramatic. Of course it was there. But he didn’t have the courage to open the drawer.

The brightness in his lights were gradually building. It was supposed to simulate the sun rising, but it wasn’t anything close to it, and annoyed him to no end. The floor to ceiling window in his room clearly showed there was no sun at all; just an infinity of darkness. The pressure in his chest grew tenfold as he stared into the vast emptiness. He wondered, if someone were to crack his breastplate in half and peel away the skin, and take a gander of his insides, would it appear just as desolate as the other side of his window?

He coughed, as if he could dislodge the abscess of gloom from his lungs and spit it out. He shoved the heels of his palms into his eye sockets, willing these depressing thoughts away. They stuck like tar and made his head pulse sharply. Warmth filled his head, the scent of rosewater and coconut, quickly realising it was Blue reaching out to him. He openly embraced her, felt her soft invasion caress the being of his soul, warping around his spine. He shuddered, sending silent gratitude back to her, which she brushed off as she usually did. His eyes drifted closed again, mind welcomingly morphing into a white static that made him feel like he was floating on his back in the ocean. He could almost hear his sisters gossiping, splayed out on the sand, and his little cousins whispering in hushed tones to each other as they swam ever closer, trying to sneak up on him. The waves rolled soothingly as they met with the beach and pulled back again. Seagulls squawked overhead, searching for an easy meal. Everything was as it was meant to be. And then, as fast as it had formed, the memory fizzled out.

He bit harshly on his lip, gasping as he shot forward in his bed. Blue apologised, she didn’t like it when he lingered in the depths of his mind for too long. The throb in his chest returned, worse this time, and he covered his face with his hands. His spine twinged as he leaned forward at an unnatural angle, a good, distracting pain. It was easier to blame the sting in his eyes on physical pain rather than mental.

He sucked in a breath until his lungs protested, then drew it out slowly, falling back into a horizontal position. Today, the Black Lion would chose her new pilot. They’d all been delaying it for so long now he’d hoped the day would never come. But the the Black Lion was insistent, as was Allura. Voltron had been absent for too long. And the universe couldn’t wait on the fate of one individual. The news had not gone down well. As usual, Keith heavily protested, spouting a load of crap he probably thought sounded inspirational but just sounded really desperate. Pidge was the same, though she was more honest, relying more on the logical side of things. A lot of what she said was true, but the context was circumstantial, yeah, Shiro most likely wasn’t dead, but how could they hope to find him in a universe that went on eternally? Pidge could build a million machines that would help them find Shiro, but they’d need a million more to even get close to the span of what they actually needed. But Allura had had enough of their words.

“This is difficult for me too, paladins. If there wasn’t a war to fight, then all our focus would be on locating Shiro.” she’d said, as commanding as ever.

“But there is a war.” Keith had spat back, scowling so deep Lance feared for his future wrinkles.

“Yes. One that requires us, requires Voltron. We must keep fighting. It’s what Shiro would want.” she remained eerily calm, but Lance knew she was struggling. He felt pity for her, which wasn’t something he felt often towards her. He was well aware how stubborn Keith and Pidge could be.

“She’s right.” Lance had jumped in, pivoting so he stood by her. She didn’t smile at him, but he could see she appreciated it.

“Like either of you would know what Shiro wants!” Pidge hollered, leaping to her feet.

“Pidge-” he tried, but she wasn’t finished.

“No! Shut up Lance! You don’t know him like I do, like Keith does!”

She hadn’t been wrong, but the words had hurt. No, he definitely didn’t know Shiro the way Pidge and Keith did.

Unconsciously, his eyes drew back to the photo of Shiro, still frozen in that charming smile. He knew Shiro in a different way, maybe less, but he still knew him. He knew Shiro’s favourite actor was Jake Gyllenhaal. He knew that he only ordered Big Macs from Mcdonalds. He knew he pretended he was okay when he clearly wasn’t.

He knew that Shiro was alive.

He knew that like he knew how to breathe.

Something pressed at the back of his mind, straining to get his attention. It startled him, how suddenly it came forth, demanding he notice it. It was new yet it felt familiar, in a sense. He didn’t feel like he had to be worried that a random pressure was forcing it’s way in, which was kind of really weird.

 _Blue?_ He asked, unsure.

 _ **You’ll understand,**_ she replied. Then, the new force stopped.

 _Did you do something?_ He questioned, sitting up on his elbows.

 _ **You will see,**_ her voice was gently receding in his head, as was her presence. The homeliness that came with her in his mind drained away, leaving him blank as his brain tried to compensate for having another being inside it. He sighed, sitting up fully. Blue loved to be vague.

He got out of bed, relishing in the sound of his joints popping as he shimmied around on the spot, letting his body wake up. Hunk was probably already cooking breakfast with Coran, though he had a feeling it would be another round of food goo. They’d been stationary for a while, meaning they hadn’t visited any planets for supplies, and they were running low. Basically all they had was food goo and water. Such an exquisite palate.

But first, he was due a shower. Not that he smelled or anything, he usually showered twice a day if he could. But it was always a nice way to start the day, and considering what this one had on the cards, he’d like to start it out on a good note.

He strode over to his ensuite. It was relatively big, with a big glass box shower and a hot tub bath that sank into the ground. Actually, it was really big, way too big for one person. Living in luxury, he mused, leaning into the shower to turn the knob. He washed off his nightly face mask, then cleaned his teeth. The water always took a while to heat up, which he equated to how old the castle was.

He slipped out his sleep shirt and boxers, stepping into the spray eagerly. He let out a pleased moan as the water splashed over his skin, falling in hot rivulets down to his toes. He hadn’t realised how tense his muscles had been, revelling in the sensation of them loosening one by one, until he was basically a slab of jelly. He tilted forward until his forehead pressed against the cool tiles, eliciting another moan of pleasure. Fuck this was good. He could almost imagine hands skimming his pectorals, leisurely trailing heat down the curve of his waist, firmly hooking around the juts of his hips. Whom these hands belonged to, he didn’t know. They were big hands, every pad calloused but still tender, and with a little persuasion they could certainly leave a mark.

Fuck it. He wrapped his left hand around his half hard cock, poising the other on the wall. His mind moved on from those mysterious hands. One thing Lance might say he was proud of, was his wank bank. Yeah, laugh it up. He had a pretty decent body count, which was probably hard to believe when he was shot down so often. But plenty of people of all genders found him dashingly handsome.

His most recent sexual encounter had been a few weeks before the direct battle with Zarkon. They, no scratch that, Allura had been partaking in some diplomacy on the planet Xatrolla at their biannual Fest of the Ancestors, which was essentially a big ‘Love You Lots and Lots’ to the Xatrolleon royal family instead of the actual ancestors. Not that it really bothered him, he just figured they should edit the name.

After the initial ceremony, the festivities had kicked into gear, a planetary wide party. Every two steps he took someone would offer him a drink, ask to dance with him, or even ask him to autograph whatever they could get their hands on. It didn’t hurt that Xatrolleons were divine creatures to look upon, mostly humanoid with the exception of an extra pair of arms and no ears. It hadn’t taken him long to find a suitable partner.

Her name had been Mylaerla. The stimulation of four pairs of hands squeezing at the sensitive parts of his body had almost been too much, but Lance was no quitter. He stroked himself languidly, reminiscing the soft planes of her lithe body. He’d been hovering over her, her long legs folded around his hips as he grinded against her, encouraged by the silky little sounds that flowed out her mouth and into his as they kissed feverishly. She’d said something in her mother tongue, something he was sure loosely translated to ‘fuck me’.

A moan reverberated in his throat as he quickened his pace, flicking his wrist. Her velvety voice tickled his ear. She’d been incredibly loud as he fucked her, scratching his back and biting his shoulder. His most vivid part of the memory was absolutely the best part. One of her lower arms had snaked further down, brushing over the round of his ass, one lengthy finger probing at his hole and-

He came with a muffled shout, hot bursts of semen striping the grey tiles.

“Shit.” he breathed.

He got on with the rest of his shower, washing his body and hair before turning the knob back to its original position. His limbs had that nice staticky post-orgasm feel.

dressed in his usual attire, taking his time. He’d had a reasonably mild morning, and leaving his room pretty much guaranteed it was gonna turn into a shit storm.

 ** _Hurry, my cub. The Princess awaits._ ** Blue urged him, her voice radiating reassurance.

 _Do I have to?_ he complained in return, not ashamed of how childish he sounded. He didn’t want to spoil his calm morning. No doubt the others were already arguing in the common room. That's the only way they could communicate apparently. Long bouts of silence punctuated by hour long screaming matches before the cycle restarted. Lance wasn’t exactly innocent in the situation, but at least he could see the problem with it.

Blue chuckled. _Yes. Now hurry along before I make you_.

“Okay, okay! I’m going _mom_!” he laughed to the empty air.

Time to go face the music.

 

* * *

 

 

The kitchen was quiet. Which wasn’t odd, but not what he’d been expecting. He’d been bracing himself on the walk from his room to enter into a verbal bearing on physical death match.

Despite the obvious tension, the room was completely silent, bar the sound of spoons scraping off bowls and chewing. There was an obvious divide in the room, Keith and Pidge at the right side of the dining table, hunched over bowls of food goo and Allura and Coran at the other end, attempting to look professional. Hunk played the middle man, looking severely pissed off as he munched on his own bowl of goo. He lightened up, however, at the sight of Lance.

“Lance! Buddy!” he called, motioning for Lance to sit in front of him.

“Hey bro.” he replied, face flushing at the warm welcome.

“Sit boy! I’ll get you a good hearty meal to start your day!” Coran said, stealing his attention momentarily. As per usual Coran was chipper at all hours of the day, springing up from his chair to fetch Lance some goo.

“Okay, thanks Coran.” he said, taking a seat. He glanced at Allura, who offered him a tiny smile. He returned it. He liked that he and Allura had been getting along well recently, but he couldn't help but think it may have to do with the fact he was primarily on her side when it came down to Black Lion business. He definitely wasn’t complaining, but he pondered what came after. Allura had never been good at hiding her dislike of him and yeah, she appeared to like him a whole lot better now, but it had required his blind loyalty in a split team conundrum that shouldn't even have happened in the first place. Losing one of their own should've brought them all closer, but it had done the exact opposite.

“Here you are, Lance. Eat quick, we’ve got a Lion awaiting.” Lance grimaced at Coran’s choice of words. A speedy glimpse to his right presented him with matching glares from Pidge and Keith, the latter grasping his spoon tight enough to pull a muscle. Neither of them said anything, fortunately.

“Yes, please do hurry everyone. After the Black Lion has chosen her suitor, I would like whomever it is to bond with her as swiftly as possible.” Allura added, her voice steady but holding an underlying challenge. Her eyes were steely as she watched for reactions, specifically the two at the opposing end of the table.

Keith growled a few words under his breath. Allura noticed but didn’t comment.

“What makes you think they’ll even accept anyone?” Pidge spoke up, face pinched in barely concealed anger. She had a point. They’d all been assigned their lions based on a mix of their compatibility and personality. Shiro was destined to pilot the Black Lion, as they were to their respective lions.

“She has told me herself she is ready.” Allura replied, a little snotty. Lance sighed, as did Hunk.

“Oh _yeah_? Did she also tell you you’re an asshole!” the younger shot back, the entire table clattering as she knocked into it.

“Pidge, enough!” Hunk barked.

“No, I’m not gonna let some spoilt princess replace my friend when the seat isn’t even cold!” Pidge yelled back shakily, though her resolve remained strong. Lance didn’t know whether to tell her to shut up or go over and hug her. She’d be mad if he did either.

“It’s a temporary replacement!” Allura snapped, also raising from her seat.

So much for his pleasant morning.

There was that pressure again, quietly nudging at his peripherals. It felt a little different this time, stronger as it prodded for entrance into his mind. It felt like Blue, but gave off a different energy. He could sense it’s curiosity, also its doubts. The yelling from his fellow teammates fell away as he reached out his mind.

 _Hello?_ He tried.

 _ **Paladin**_ , it replied, intimidating voice echoing in his head.

 _Who are you?_ he tentatively asked.

 _ **You don’t recognize me?**_ came the reply, a hint of amusement colouring it. Lance racked his brain. He felt like he should know who he was talking to, but his mind threw up blanks.

 _No, I’m sorry,_ he apologised.

 _ **My connection to you is weak. But it grows stronger already. You will come to know me, as I will you**_ , Lance could hear the immense power and wisdom the voice carried. Was he talking to God? Uneasiness pooled in his gut.

 _But who are you?_ he asked again.

 _ **Black Paladin, please do not fret. All will become clear very soon**_ , they said back.

 _I’m the Blue Paladin,_ he meekly replied. Just like last time, it reared back away from him like it was never there in the first place. He attempted to get Blue’s attention, but it seemed she was occupied with something else. Come to think of it, he could hardly feel her presence at all.

“Everyone shut up!”

He hadn’t even realised he’d stood up, never mind shouted. His breakfast was splattered over the surface of the table, the bowl still reeling. He’d accidentally clipped it when he threw up his hands. But it seemed to have some effect, as the room abruptly went silent.

“Lance-” Allura started, but he cut her off.

“I don’t want to hear it.” he shouted at her.

"The Black Lion needs a paladin. Or we should all just go home, because we can’t win this war without Voltron.”

He hoped the words would resonate with them. He glanced at Pidge, who looked on the verge of tears, and his anger left just like that.

“Oh, so you think you’ll be the Black Paladin?” Keith hissed patronisingly, face twisted in a nasty smirk. What a dickhead. The red paladin clearly didn’t have a logical argument, so took a shot at Lance instead. Yet, the words burned like Keith had pressed a cattle prod to his throat.

“No.” he responded, fighting to keep his voice firm. “But someone has too.”

Thankfully, Coran piped up to pull everyone’s attention away. “Lance is right. For all we know, she might accept none of us.”

A lull formed in the conversation. It seemed, they had reached a stalemate.

“What if they chose one of us? Who’s going to fly the lion we leave behind?” Hunk asked timidly.

“Either me or Coran. Depending on the Lion.” Allura said confidently. Coran waggled his eyebrows and made a face. Lance held back his laugh, it wasn’t really appropriate for the situation, but he did grin at the older Altean.

“Makes sense.” Hunk mumbled, a ghost of smile quirking his lips.

“There’s no point discussing the arrangement until the Black Lion makes her decision.” Allura scanned the room, considering them all eqally. Her eyes landed on Lance last. There in the blue, he could see hope.

“I guess.” Pidge muttered, slumping back into her seat, defeated. His heart ached for her. He wished strongly that they could be on the same side.

“We won’t forget about Shiro. I don’t think we could if we tried.” he declared, desperate to get some kind of positive reaction from her. And she did, allowing him a glance that didn’t smoulder him on the very spot then looking away again. It was something, at least.

“We’ll find him.” Allura assured. Coran nodded enthusiastically.

“Let’s get this over with.” Keith groused, noisily standing from his seat. He shot Lance a heated look, and made for the door. Lance clenched his fists, wanting to give Keith’s rear end the middle finger with a passion.

“Ignore him Lance.” Hunk observed, as everyone began standing up to follow Keith.

“It’s not easy.” he grumbled, folding his arms over his chest.

“When the fuck is it ever easy?” Pidge remarked. It took him damn near a whole minute to process that Pidge had made a smart comment, and by the time he did she was already storming out the door. He shared a surprised look with Hunk.

“I pray this goes well.” Allura sighed, looking very young in the moment. Coran rested a deft hand on her shoulder before he began clearing up breakfasts mess.

“It will.” Lance said, gazing back at her.

“And you know this how?” she smirked, eyebrow perked as she observed him. He pondered it. There was no real answer he could give, not anything that would convince, but he felt so sure it was wearisome to express any doubt.

“I just know.” he asserted, proud of the strength in his voice. Expectedly, her stance didn’t change. But her smirk did widen into a real smile.

“Well, if you're so sure, Blue Paladin, lead the way.” she motioned to the open door. Hunk snickered.

“Don’t mind if I do, m’lady.” he purred, bowing before he turned and started marching towards the door. Allura scoffed but even with his back turned he could tell it was good natured.

“Such a gentleman!” Coran cried over-dramatically.

He’d missed this kind of messing around they used to do. He hoped with every fibre of his being they could get it back.

 

* * *

 

 

The Lions had their barriers down, bar one.

They were sat protectively around their leader, ready to shield her from outer forces. The Lions had been melancholy after the loss of Shiro, but Black had completely shut down. For a while, no one, not even Allura, could get through to her. No amount of pleading appeased her. They'd even tried to guilt her into opening up, using Shiro as a pawn which now that Lance looked back upon it, had his guts squirming.

Six of them stood in a line below the Black Lion. Allura had suggested they all take a shot at her, just to be sure.

Despite knowing positively the Black Lion would chose one of them, anxiety ran like lead through his veins. Black was tricky, and she wouldn’t be a uncomplicated to pilot. Sitting in her chair came with the baggage of being the leader of Voltron, which Lance struggled to picture as anyone but Shiro. Whomever she chose would definitely have it rough. Allura, to him, seemed the obvious choice. Yeah, she had her lower moments, but Allura bossed around the boss (the boss being Shiro) and was excellent at strategizing and diplomacy. She had mostly what it took to be a leader. Maybe she could use a little work on her interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships, but all could be learned in due time. Of which they had plenty.

Lance thought Hunk would be a decent choice too. He had everyone's respect, and good people skills. Sure, the anxiety and self doubt would be a problem, but again, they had time to deal with it.

He prayed to the lion gods that Black didn’t chose Keith. They were all well aware that Black had already allowed Keith to fly her once; hopefully just a once off in this case. The idea of Keith as his superior, well, it filled him with suicidal thoughts. Keith would get them all killed. Okay, maybe he was being a little harsh. The Red Paladin wasn’t all bad, and he definitely deserved acknowledgement for his passion, drive and raw skill. But Keith was also the biggest douchebag in the known and unknown universe, so.

“Who wants to go first?” Allura spoke, breaking the heavy silence. Lance dared a glance at Keith, who he expected to jump at the chance, utterly shocked when the Red Paladin stayed in his spot, arms crossed and glaring at the floor like it had personally offended him.

“I will.” Pidge announced, stepping out the line.

“Yes, thank you Pidge. Good luck.” Allura encouraged. Pidge shot her a sharp look.

“I’m not doing this for you.” the Green Paladin snapped, voice straining at the magnitude of her rage. Allura flinched but recovered quickly, giving a meagre nod. Lance worried about the depth of the rift between them.

Pidge stalked forward, stopping right outside Black’s barrier. The air buzzed and pinched, like the whole universe had stopped to gaze upon this very second. Pidge lifted her open hand, hovering just over the blue force field. “Hi, Black.” she murmured, so softly Lance had to strain his ears to hear her next words. “I already know I’m not your choice. But please,” her voice hitched, “choose the right person. If not for me, for Shiro.”

The Black Lion did not move, nor did her barrier, or anyone else for that matter. Somewhere beside him, someone sighed in relief.

Pidge sniffed, and stepped back. For a short time, she stood there, basked in the artificial glow from the force field. So small and so young.

Lance took a step forward, but the hand clasped around his wrist kept him where he was. Keith’s hand was sweaty where they made contact. He hadn’t even noticed it until now.

While Lance’s brain was doing back flips trying to figure out why the fuck Keith was gripping onto him so rigidly he could feel his fingers going numb, Pidge rotated away from the Black Lion. Everything about her screamed bone deep exhaustion.

“Pidge.” Hunk softly said, making her eyes fall back to them. They were rimmed red and full to the brim with tears she was grappling to keep where they were.

“It’s alright, Number Five.” Coran hushed, breaking from the ranks to meet Pidge in the middle. She astonished Lance as she always did, all but collapsing into Coran’s arms as he opened them in invitation. “It’ll all be alright.” The interaction was so intimate, but his eyes stayed glued to the two figures, silhouetted by cerulean luminescence.

Finally, after what felt like hours, the oldest and youngest broke apart. Pidge’s face was splotched with red and stained with drying tears. Out of place, a small smile graced her lips. “Thanks Coran.” she mumbled, blinking owlishly.

“Of course, Pidge. I’m always here for you.” Coran was so genuine, Lance had to swallow thickly against the growing lump taking residence at the bottom of his esophagus. Pidge appeared to be doing the same.

“Thanks.” she whispered shyly. Her eyes cracked back to where the rest of them stood, as if she just remembered she had an audience. “Sorry guys.” she added.

Lance didn’t feel like he could speak, but thank god for Hunk. “We all cry, Pidge. Don’t be sorry.” he promised.

“I’m not sorry about that.” she said, and rejoined the line. Nobody replied, but Lance understood what she was implying. She was just sorry, as simple as it was, for everything. It was a fittingly Pidge-like apology.

He hadn’t guessed this whole thing would be so emotional. His body felt wrung out like he’d gotten in a fist fight with a Galra, and they’d only put forth one person to the Black Lion so far. He wasn’t mentally prepared for this. He wanted to lie down, go back to his bunk where his untroubled memories were and jump into the frames and stay there forever. He wanted to warn those radiant people of the future ahead. He wanted Shiro to come back to them.

The muggy feel of Keith’s palm around his wrist dropped away, and he wasn’t so above himself that he could admit he mourned the loss of it. Keith cleared his throat, catching the rooms attention.

“I’ll, uh, go next.” his tone was frail, very unlike him.

“Okay, go ahead.” Allura coaxed. Keith nodded jerkily and removed himself from the line.

The contour of his shoulders was severe under his cropped jacket, his hands clamped solidly in his fists as he positioned himself where Pidge had stopped previously. Lance’s breath caught in his lungs, he knew the barrier was gonna drop, it seemed so set in stone for those few seconds he forgot all about his earlier confidence.

Black did nothing.

“Black.” Keith croaked, a trembling hand coming up to rest on the field of energy. “You let me in once.” he added.

Again, the Black Lion made no movement at all, not granting the Red Paladin entry. “Black.” Keith repeated, voice teetering into desperation. “Please.”

It was a cruel, watching idly as Keith veered further away from his cool and collected facade. His breaths were growing more laboured as he repeatedly called for the Black Lion, pure, unadulterated panic creeping into his voice. “Let me in!” he wailed, beginning to smash his fists against the barrier. This time, Lance had to look away. This was just too much of a leap out his comfort zone. Keith was literally having a breakdown right before his very eyes, spurred by grief he’d been smothering for weeks.

Keith was on his knees when he plucked up enough courage to glance at him. He was sobbing uncontrollably, even smaller than Pidge had looked, kneeling before the great Black Lion alone. He could sense how unsure the others were to approach him, but Lance couldn’t standby and watch him suffer needlessly. Someone had to step up.

His legs felt too long for his body as he ambled his way over to the crouched figure and he was grateful to be able to sit down. He scooted a little closer, like one would advance on a wounded animal. “Keith.” he breathed. He placed the flat of his palm to the others heaving back, pleased when he didn’t shy away or lash out. “It’s okay.” his words sounded pathetic even to himself. Still covering his face, Keith shook his head fervently.

“It’s not.” he cried, inconsolably. His voice was wrecked. Lance had always wanted to see Keith cry, to show weakness when he acted like he had none. The thought haunted him now, faced with this breakdown of epic proportions of someone he realised, he barely knew at all.

“No, I guess it’s not. But it will be.” Lance insisted, firmer this time. Keith shook his head again, clipped sobs still spilling from his lips.

“But Shiro-”

“We’ll find him. I promise.”

It was a stupid thing to say, but it seemed to do the job. Keith lurched for him. For a split second he was sure the other was attempting to tackle him, but instead he rammed bodily into Lance’s chest and clung there. “Um, okay.” Lance said dumbly. He peeped briefly over his shoulder at the others, receiving a thumbs up from Coran for his efforts.

“Sorry.” Keith’s word vibrated through the fabric of his tee shirt, a warm heat. Awkwardly, he rubbed at his back.

“It’s okay. I kind of like you like this.” _Fuck_ , he really knew how to comfort someone, didn’t he? Was he just inherently an asshole? Or was that only to Keith? The Red Paladin stiffened in his arms as the comment clicked in his head. Immediately he draw back, clipping Lance’s chin with the crown of his head, enough force behind it that his front teeth split the thin layer of skin on his bottom lip. Lance let out a distressed noise. Keith looked seconds away from punching him. How the Red Paladin managed to look so ferocious while simultaneously heartbroken, Lance didn’t know. All he knew for the moment was he should put a few feet between them. He scrambled back to his feet, rushing past the other who was still in a heap on the floor, yelping as Keith’s hand unexpectedly wrenched his foot with scary fast reflexes.

“Lance watch out!” Hunk bellowed. Oh right, he was gonna hit the barrier.

He brought his hands up, expecting to catch himself easy enough. And he did, for less than a second, and then the barrier dropped.

He fell forward gracelessly.

Lance’s brain melted into static, and not the good kind. A brilliant light shone in the room. There was a flurry of movement, and then Keith was pinning him down, eyes ablaze. “It can’t be you, it can’t be!” he shrieked, phlegm flying into Lance’s face. Lance stared back at him, wordless. He didn’t understand.

Suddenly, Keith was gone. But Lance kept staring up, up to where the Black Lion stared right back down at him. Her eyes gleamed with life.

 _Blue?_ his inner voice shook with emotion, seeking comfort.

 _ **I’m sorry. But you must do this**_ , she replied, warm but profoundly sad.

 _Do what!_ he screamed, sick of being left in the dark by his own Lion. But deep down, he knew.

 ** _The Black Lion asked for you specifically, you should feel honoured_** , Blue continued.

_I don’t want her, I want you!_

_**I’m sorry, my cub. I wish it weren’t this way.** _

_Then don’t do it, tell her I don’t want her, please Blue! I can’t do it!_

**_Yes you can, and you will. Black and her Paladin need you._  **

_But I need you!_ he was distraught. He did not want this.He knew he was crying, probably embarrassing himself, but he didn’t care.

_**We will be together again. That I could never doubt.** _

_Blue, please…_

_**I believe in you. You were always meant for more, I was absolute. The Black Lion calls for you, don’t you hear?** _

He did. The pressure that had reached for him earlier, he understood it now. It had been Black all along.

_**You do hear.** _

_I don’t want to do this. I can’t lose you._

_**You aren’t losing me. I’ll wait for you for as long as required. But for now, we must part.** _

Black’s presence was much larger than Blue’s, but it felt like Shiro.

**_Goodbye, Lance. Be good._ **

**Author's Note:**

> okay thats it for now!! lemme know what u guys think :)
> 
> also if i missed a tag, tell me!


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